Heartache is defined as anguish of mind. Pain is suffering of body and mind. My body, mind and spirit are in distress. I’ve suffered a devastating loss, my son, whom I loved with every fiber of my being is now gone. I wake up to the sun shining through the window, thinking, hoping it was a dream and that he was in the house. He’s not. I want the sun not to shine or hear the sound of the birds chirping. There is no light or laughter in my heart. I cringe at the brightness and happy sounds outside my window. I want to sleep and pretend he’s only out of the house for a little while. Soon, I’ll hear his car when it pull in the driveway and the sound of the garage door opening. His footsteps coming up the stairs, then him stopping at the door of my and asking, “Mom, you okay?” My response was always a smile and saying, “You okay?” His answer was always, “I’m good.”
Only then I’ll listen to the sounds of birds singing and invite the sun to come through my window. But now I welcome the darkness that keeps me hidden away from the light.
I’ll never feel the warmth of skin, him massaging the stress from back, or the hearty sound of his laughter. My heart aches every minute of the day. I feel the pain slicing through the heartache and pain scattering it throughout my body.